Questions regarding booking therapy, consultations, supervision and/or workshops? Contact us now to receive more information on your next steps.

We live in a culture that shames and “shoulds” and criticizes for sport. Sometimes those critics are also found between your ears.

Everyone experiences shame – there are no exceptions. Shame is part of the human emotional experience and is highly correlated with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, marital distress, financial issues, compulsive behaviors related to: pornography, sex, shopping.

If you do not address shame by name and learn how to respond differently to it, it will run your life and harm your: health, relationships, soul.

Inspired and greatly informed by the work of Brené Brown, PhD and her groundbreaking research, we are committed to helping you develop a life long shame resilience practice so you can face the challenges, the critics, the falls that are an inevitable part of showing up in life.

We also equip our Shame work usually leads to working on grief, loss, disappointments, trauma and other difficult life experiences.

The numbing sense of control provided by the chase for perfectionism is a powerful way to disconnect from feeling vulnerable. Using perfectionism to disconnect from feelings of vulnerability is not sustainable.

Where perfection is present, so is shame. They are bedfellows and it is important to name, address and treat both.

Perfection

“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor.” – Anne Lamott

The numbing sense of control provided by the chase for perfectionism is a powerful way to disconnect from feeling vulnerable. Using perfectionism to disconnect from feelings of vulnerability is not sustainable.

Where perfection is present, so is shame. They are bedfellows and it is important to name, address and treat both.
Most people experience an inner drive to improve their performance. Yet, perfectionism is different than pursuing excellence. Those who strive for excellence in a healthy way enjoy the process and their worth is not as bound to results or other people’s opinions. Perfectionism is a protective mindset where fear and shame fuel a focus on what others think and results in self-doubt, fears of disapproval, losing control, and rejection. Depression and anxiety are also usually present when perfectionism is running your life.

Perfection is unsustainable armour against vulnerability. Building resilience to tolerate the feelings of risk, uncertainty and emotional exposure is crucial to experiencing love and belonging. Perfectionism shuts down this important pathway.

The rigidity of perfectionism has two sides to it: overachieving/over-functioning and underachieving/under-functioning.

Perfectionists who overachieve/over function:

  • set unrealistic standards and goals
  • experience exhaustion and burnout
  • never feeling satisfied
  • see being a perfectionist as an important part of their identity
  • feel depressed when faced with failure and disappointments
  • have a preoccupation with fear of failure and disapproval
  • believe that success is not possible without being a perfectionist
  • see mistakes as proof of unworthiness
  • becoming overly defensive and reactive when criticized

Another aspect of perfectionism shows up as underachieving or under-functioning, which results in:

  • procrastination
  • performing below capabilities
  • writer’s block
  • anxious focus on the end product and no focus or enjoyment of the process of achieving a goal
  • performance and social anxiety
  • constant overwhelm when decisions need to be made of by the details of a project
  • missing deadlines
  • avoiding any tasks where risks of failing or not doing something perfect may result

We can help you (re) define perfectionism and understand it is not a friend but a detriment to fulfilling relationships and work along with personal peace and freedom.

Questions regarding booking therapy, consultations, supervision and/or workshops? Contact us now to receive more information on your next steps.