(re) Define: Resolutions
This time of year is famous (or infamous) for resolutions.
Usually these resolutions involve language like:
Goals are good. Intentions are important. Hope is crucial when we want to grow, heal and do life differently.
But sometimes we make some well-meaning errors in setting our goals, intentions, resolutions. They often are:
- too rigid
- not specific
- too complicated
- developed based what you think you need but not what you really need
- leaning only on willpower instead of a collaborative community of support
- not safe
- not fun or enjoyable
- developed out of impatience, fear or shame
- not connected to your core values
Your goals, resolutions and intentions need to be inspired by your core values – not on an ideal identity you desire to hide behind as protection.
Yes, dream big.
Then scaffold your dreams into small actionable practices that will fuel more change, growth, fruits of your labors and healing.
It starts with showing up and asking for support from people you can trust.
Pacing desired change is also important when seeking sustained change.
The pain of loneliness, discomfort in your body, fear of rejection or failure can influence the resolutions you choose.
Turn away from numbing, hurting self or others and begin to build the emotional muscle to tolerate vulnerability.
Sometimes people numb out with the wrong resolutions thinking they will get sustained relief from pain if ______ happens.
What you desire to change is a very personal decision.
Desiring sustained change – not numbing out – involves leaning into vulnerability: risk, uncertainty and emotional exposure – as defined by Brené Brown.
And to be clear – there is nothing comfortable about being in the space of vulnerability.
At Potentia, we offer (re) Define Courage workshops to help people build a life long shame resilience practice so shame and non-protective fear do not run the choices you make in your life.
Our team also offers specialized support for those who desire change in their relationships with food, their body, their story and their relationships with God, self and others.
When distressing life events occur, your brain is made to move towards healing.
And when your brain gets stuck in working through the tough stuff of life, it is easy to get confused on how to deal with pain, fear, desire, hope and meaningful connection.
The psychotherapists at Potentia incorporate EMDR therapy into our work with clients so the process of getting unstuck has an evidenced-based road map customized to each client.
As you kick off 2015 with your goals, resolutions and intentions, make sure they are connected to your core values and can be regularly practiced.
If you have health or wellness related goals, contact Dr. Megan Holt for an in-person or Skype non-diet wellness assessment so you can cut through the marketing noise of the diet industry and develop goals that are best suited for your unique body and lifestyle.
And be careful to not compare your goals for change to the goals and resolutions of others.
Comparison is a general buzz kill to change.
You are the expert on you. Never forget that.
As you seek collaborative support and sustained change, the Potentia Team is here as a support and resource for you. It would be an honor to help you make 2015 a year of living in clarity and purpose.
What are you resolutions, goals, intentions for 2015?
What support do you need to meet your goals?
Cheering you on in 2015 –
Rebecca Bass-Ching, LMFT