New Year’s Eve Soap Box (and good tidings, too)
I am a big fan of this time of year. There is something about the beginning of a new year that brings with it rejuvenated hope, a fresh start, space to dream.
This time of year is also when everything media is saturated with promises to help you with your resolutions about exercise, weight loss, nutrition + wellness, relationships and more.
In particular, the diet industry along with fitness, health and personal improvement gurus are promoting the heck out of their various programs to help you make 2013 your best. year. ever.
So much of this hype genuinely speaks to many of you who are uncomfortable in your skin. Food, family, fat, and other f-bombs get thrown around out of frustration a lot at this time of year.
And for those of you who have be on the diet, weight cycling, body hatred, I am not enough, scale-obsessed train for some time now, promises of quick relief to real pain are seductive and haunting.
Clicking “buy now” brings promise of solutions to real concerns and serious pain points in your life.
But this incessant talk about weight, body and food is like adding fuel to a dangerous fire burning in the hearts and minds of many who are crushing against the emotional pain of serious food+body issues, anxiety, depression, unhealthy perfectionism, loneliness+disconnection.
To be honest, there are some quality people and quality programs out there that can help you on your way to true health. And then here are some that frustrate the heck out of me as they exploit, are unsafe and make promises that are not based on sound research or true health.
While I believe there is room for a variety of definitions of health, I am fed up with definitions of health being reduced to the number on the scale and the fear of everything fat. Good intentions to help improve wellness are creating more anxiety+depression around food+body issues. This deeply concerns me.
Restricting, denying, punishing, shaming are not sustaining change agents.
There is a whole host of struggles we have to tackle as we seek to improve the quality of life for all. We do need to move more and strive to make whole, fresh, organic food affordable + accessible to all. We need to play more, laugh more, rest more. And improving our support of those with mental illness is a non-negotiable.
Seeking change is important. It is a natural part of growth. But when desired change is motivated by a numbers on scales, fear, people pleasing or performance – it will wreak havoc on your mind and soul.Change is hard, change is messy; change is an ebb and flow. Change is often needed, demanded. Change is uncomfortable; change is frustrating; change is important. Change is about showing up, fighting through fear and shame. Change involves trusting like you have never trusted before. Once step at a time.
Never forgot, homeostasis will fight to the death to maintain status quo. That is why change is so difficult. Especially when we avoid doing our own deep soul work.
I love Donald Miller’s recent post on resolutions. He states they do not work when:
- Our resolutions are not meaningful
- We failed to make a plan
- We forget our resolutions.
- They just were not for us.
Donald Miller went on to say when resolutions do end up working is when we:
- Choose a meaningful ambition
- Create a plan for our meaningful ambition
- Engage in conflict
- Share our story with the world
If we are seeking changes that fuel deep soul meaning in our lives; if we have the emotional muscle to handle conflict internally and externally and own our story instead of shrink from it, well, look out 2013.
Suddenly obsessing about numbers+other people’s opinions do not have as much power with this new lens.
What do you desire to change this year? How are you going to go about making these changes?
Are you trying to do it all at once or can you tolerate a step, a shift in direction, a phone call or email to start the process?
Are in this alone? You may feel that way but my faith informs me differently.
Get clear on the changes you are seeking. Be specific.
- Check your motivations for change. Are your desired changes life-giving or fear-based?
- Check your expectations and desired results. Are they realistic for you, your body, your current life situation?
- Check your beliefs about change. Do you have hope you can change?
- Check the source of doubt, fear and shame against your faith.
And then turn towards lasting change and away from diets + shame-based expectations.
PS – And for those of you in the San Diego area who want to work on creating sustaining change in your life, check out our Cultivating Courage Workshop series launching in a few weeks.