The ABC’s of Self-Love: B is for Beauty
I am excited to participate in my first ever Blog Crawl (find out more about The ABC’s of Self Love Blog Crawl + Treasure Hunt here), hosted by Molly Mahar of Stratejoy celebrating the upcoming launch of her Fierce Love program. I really appreciate Molly’s commitment to helping others discover the power of truly healing your relationship with your body and your story. Molly would say how important it is to “adore yourself” in such an infectious and genuine way that you can’t help but take pause and believe she is on to something. So when she tapped me to be the writer for the letter “B” with the topic of Beauty in her Fierce Love blog crawl, I was humbled and excited
Beauty. It is a tricky word and hard to define. Defining beauty is very subjective, personal, intimate.
There is also a narrow standard of beauty, dispensed by the multi-billion dollar advertising industry, which has left those who believe this definition with intense body hatred, low sense of of worth, depression, depleted bank accounts, anxiety, fear of intimacy and dangerous food and body issues.
Some of the many lies perpetuated from this narrow definition of beauty state that you will be loveable, feel more confident, life will be more tolerable: if you weigh a certain amount, your body looks a certain way, you dress a certain way, you play by everyone’s rules and act a certain way, your (fill in the blank) is (fill in the blank).
It is time to stop the crazy-making, take back the power that has been externalized to the opinions of the “collective other” and (re)claim how you define beauty.
How do you define beauty?
I must confess, I spent years believing a flawed definition of beauty. I was a slave to what other people thought of me. I worked my body hard and rested little. I hated what I saw in the mirror and was an approval junkie. I was unsatisfied, frustrated, disconnected from God and my own values and dreams. I was lost. And really tired. All because I wanted to be beautiful in the eyes of others with the hopes I would then in fact be beautiful.
I thought the world’s definition of beauty = being enough. I was just drinking the Kool-aid.
But thankfully, I healed some infected wounds, fought some battles, had a gun held to my head (twice – that is another story) and experienced some fierce love from myself, God and some incredible people. I woke up to the lies I was telling myself about my worth and value and regularly fight back the desire to play the lose–lose game of comparing myself to others.
I now revel in the awe-inspiring beauty of courage, generosity, gentleness, kindness, sacrificial love, compassion, vulnerability, motherhood and respect.
I discovered confidence, the power and importance of surrounding myself with safe people. I say, “No thank you,” a lot and “yes” to my calling on this planet therefore putting the “shoulds” and “have-tos” in permanent time out.
I regularly push back on the lies shame tells me and now know that being perfectly imperfect is a whole lot more life-giving than striving for perfection. (This one can be tough on some days…)
I believe the state of my heart, character, integrity are more powerful indicators of beauty verses my outside image.
How do you define beauty? Is your definition is keeping you stuck, in pain and shame or is it is life-giving and freeing?
What changes are you going to make in how you talk about beauty so you do not inadvertently collude with the world’s definition of beauty?
With fierce love –
Find out more about Molly’s “The ABC’s of Self Love Blog Crawl + Treasure Hunt” here.