(re) Define: Resolutions

Happy New Year from Potentia 2015

This time of year is famous (or infamous) for resolutions.

Usually these resolutions involve language like:

  • more
  • less
  • start
  • stop
  • lose
  • change
  • balance
  • enough
  • no
  • yes

Goals are good. Intentions are important. Hope is crucial when we want to grow, heal and do life differently.

But sometimes we make some well-meaning errors in setting our goals, intentions, resolutions. They often are:

  • too rigid
  • unrealistic
  • not specific
  • too complicated
  • developed based what you think you need but not what you really need
  • leaning only on willpower instead of a collaborative community of support
  • not safe
  • not fun or enjoyable
  • developed out of impatience, fear or shame
  • not connected to your core values

Making desired changes in your life that are sustained need to be safe, practiced regularly and fueled by meaning and motivation.  (Click to Tweet)

Your goals, resolutions and intentions need to be inspired by your core values – not on an ideal identity you desire to hide behind as protection.

Yes, dream big.

Then scaffold your dreams into small actionable practices that will fuel more change, growth, fruits of your labors and healing.

It starts with showing up and asking for support from people you can trust.

Pacing desired change is also important when seeking sustained change.

The pain of loneliness, discomfort in your body, fear of rejection or failure can influence the resolutions you choose.

Turn away from numbing, hurting self or others and begin to build the emotional muscle to tolerate vulnerability.

Sometimes people numb out with the wrong resolutions thinking they will get sustained relief from pain if ______ happens.

What you desire to change is a very personal decision.

Desiring sustained change – not numbing out – involves leaning into vulnerability: risk, uncertainty and emotional exposure – as defined by Brené Brown.

And to be clear – there is nothing comfortable about being in the space of vulnerability.

At Potentia, we offer (re) Define Courage workshops to help people build a life long shame resilience practice so shame and non-protective fear do not run the choices you make in your life.

Our team also offers specialized support for those who desire change in their relationships with food, their body, their story and their relationships with God, self and others.

(In addition to offering individual, couples and family therapy, our team is launching several workshops this month. Make sure to save your spot soon!)

When distressing life events occur, your brain is made to move towards healing.

And when your brain gets stuck in working through the tough stuff of life, it is easy to get confused on how to deal with pain, fear, desire, hope and meaningful connection.

The psychotherapists at Potentia incorporate EMDR therapy into our work with clients so the process of getting unstuck has an evidenced-based road map customized to each client.

As you kick off 2015 with your goals, resolutions and intentions, make sure they are connected to your core values and can be regularly practiced.

If you have health or wellness related goals, contact Dr. Megan Holt for an in-person or Skype non-diet wellness assessment so you can cut through the marketing noise of the diet industry and develop goals that are best suited for your unique body and lifestyle.

And be careful to not compare your goals for change to the goals and resolutions of others.

Comparison is a general buzz kill to change.

You are the expert on you. Never forget that.

As you seek collaborative support and sustained change, the Potentia Team is here as a support and resource for you. It would be an honor to help you make 2015 a year of living in clarity and purpose.

____

What are you resolutions, goals, intentions for 2015?

What support do you need to meet your goals?

Cheering you on in 2015 –

Rebecca Bass-Ching, LMFT

 

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15 Reasons to (re) Define Hope and Despair

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Hope and Despair

hope verb \ˈhōp\:

to want something to happen or be true and think that it could happen or be true.

There is no room for cynicism where there is hope. Hope is a brave stance that requires faith in the unseen.

At Potentia, I witness this kind of hope in action daily. I see people discover their agency to heal their relationship with God, their story, their body, their relationships with others.

I see despair, struggle, defeat and deep disappointment, too. In these times, hope is subversive and supports resilience to life’s pain.

My understanding of the relationship between hope and despair shifted after a workshop Potentia hosted last summer for all of the Southern California members of The Daring Way.

Robert Hilliker, LCSW, LCDC, CDWF-C led a rich presentation and discussion loaded with powerful insights on hope and despair.

Inspired by this week’s advent focus on hope along with Robert’s workshop, the following are 15 reasons to (re) define how you think about hope and despair:

1. Get clear on these hope myths:
  • Hope cannot exist with despair. (See #11)
  • Hope is wishful thinking. (See #4)
  • Hope is just a cognitive construct. (See #5)
  • You can do hope alone. (See #10)
2. Hope is sharing our story with those who have earned the right to hear it. Hope empowers us to own all of our story and not just the parts we deem worthy.
3. Hope is a key element in creating change. Without hope, change is unlikely.
4. Hope is not the same as wishing, which is a fantasy and an ideal. Hope is dealing with the practical aspects of living.
5. Optimism is purely a cognitive construct. Hope is a cognitive construct and a relational function. Hope is a mind and heart approach.
6. Hope is active, not passive.
7. Robert challenged us to think about offering people we work with reasonable hope. He defined reasonable hope:
  • as relational
  • as a life-long practice
  • as a way to maintain the future is open, uncertain and can be influenced
  • as having the ability to accommodate doubt and despair
  • as a means to seek goals and pathways to those goals
Additional considerations for practicing reasonable hope: believe that making small advances in service of a greater goal are not trivial.
 8. Robert reminded us we need to be brokers of hope. We lend hope with the hope that our clients will eventually internalize it on their own. I think anyone on the fronts lines with someone struggling can be a broker of hope.
 When we dare to show up with anyone hurting, we do not just talk about hope but we do hope. Hope becomes a verb instead of a noun.
9. Robert challenged us to not miss the here and now when we are with people who are struggling. Sometimes in our attempts to “make sense” of a client’s story we miss the hope in the now.
Anxiety has a way of trumping our ability to stay present with those hurting in our presence. Often our blind spots from our own untreated wounds impact our ability to stay in the moment, too. The super power of hope can simply be sharing space with the hurt – in the moment.
10. I love this one: When you are with someone who says they have lost hope, ask them, “Where did hope go?” Often a powerful and meaningful story will unfold. When you share story, the loneliness of despair is transformed by the collective power of the fact that we are in this life together.
11. Hope and despair can share the same space. In fact, it is important to recognize the importance of and respect both. Often, we just want to focus only on the possibilities hope offers but we do a disservice to the story of struggle if we do not honor despair, too.
12. Challenge the flawed narrative that in order to do great things we have to be perfect. To quote Glennon Melton, life is brutifal (a fusion of brutal and beautiful). This is not about letting go of healthy striving but choosing flexibility instead of rigidity. Finding good enough is indeed great and realizing the ordinary is indeed extraordinary.
13. The opposite of scarcity is not abundance but enough. We live in a scarcity culture that challenges our worthiness and relentlessly fuels shame. Part of a sustained shame resilience practice also incorporates a hope practice.
14. In order to grasp the concept of hope we have to trust that pain and despair hold the key to growth. Resilience is not about never feeling the pain of despair but responding in ways that do not harm self or others we do experience struggle. All stories have themes of resilience and hope. Sometimes, you may need some help cleaning the lens on your life to see this perspective.
15. Never underestimate the power of agape love – soul connection – and respecting your profoundly human story. Deep-soul work that addresses the distressing life events knocks down the barriers to leaning into agape love.

Along with the Potentia team, I am honored to be a broker of hope when life is brutifal.

I am curious how you desire to be a broker of hope this Christmas season?

What do you think about pain and despair being the key to growth?

Cheering you on –

Rebecca

 

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Are you in? Fat Talk Free Week 2014

Your voice is powerful.
I really appreciate the leadership of Delta Delta Delta and their vision for Fat Talk Free Week.

This year’s Fat Talk Free Week kicks off tomorrow and runs through Friday, October 20th.

I value taking a week – with the hope it will extend longer – to intentionally redirect fat talk in our heads, with our friends or about others to more honest, life-giving, respectful dialogue.

We all need a break from the “I am so___”, “If only I were___”, “I hate my _____”, “I am not ______ enough” conversation.

Scarcity culture is exhausting. (Click to Tweet)

Bullying others or ourselves with fat talk only fuels deeper pain and fat talk represents attempts to manage the parts of our story triggered by pain, fear, loneliness, anxiety and more.

Which is why taking a break from the fat talk is important. Even more important is to get to the heart of the meaning of our fat talk by talking about our hurts in a constructive manner – with the right person at the right time.

Taking a break from fat talk does not mean stuffing your pain.

Early in my training in the treatment of eating disorders and trauma, I was told “fat” is not a feeling. Over a decade of treating men and women taught me differently – that it is often a fight to have a positive relationship with their body and their reflection in the mirror. They also taught me how the quick fix pressure to “just love their body” often backfired because they felt so ashamed for not loving, let alone liking, the body they have been given.

So, yes, stopping the fat talk is needed. Desperately. But we cannot stop there.

We still need to talk about how we are feeling and develop a better way to tolerate struggle and negative emotion. Distressing life events, brain chemistry imbalances, family of origin, temperament all can alter our trust in ourselves, our bodies and others.

When we are feeling out of control – focusing on our bodies or comparing ourselves to others is a common default. Turning on ourselves or others with biting, judgy, harsh words only fuels more biting, judgey, harsh words.

At the heart of fat talk is a lot of hurt and insecurity which needs to be voiced and given some air time. Our struggle feeling comfortable in our skin along with our desire to feel connected is real. Fat talk is an attempt way to hot wire connection or appease our inner critic.

What we really are searching for is to know if we are ok, we are loved, we belong. When there is doubt about our worthiness, we often look to others to approve or disapprove of our worth. We all struggle with this dance. Belonging and connection are innate desires.

And for those with faith, I see this matter of worthiness dig even deeper as they feel like they are the exceptions to God’s wild and radical love and grace.

It is a constant recalibration to stop externalizing our worth to others and redirect our worth to the One and those who truly matter.

Fat Talk Free Week is not just about semantics or becoming the word police. It is a chance to listen to your heart and see where you are feeling convicted for operating outside of your authenticity.

When fat talk surfaces, it is an opportunity – and a risk – to change the conversation.

Words are powerful. Your voice matters. Choose wisely.

Cheering you on –

Rebecca

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How a Kindergarten Teacher Builds Community

IMG_2025Every day before my daughter’s school starts, she has 15 minutes to run laps with all of her K-4 classmates.

The idea of moving to the track was very daunting for all of the kindergartners and their parents.

We started off at the Kindergarten-Only playground for the first couple months of school.

It was like a little bubble with our Kindergarten tribe of kids, parents and teachers.

It was contained and known.

And having a daughter on the Autism Spectrum in a general education classroom was daunting enough. The little playground area was an even playing field – no blind spots and lots of supervision.

Moving down to the track with the “older kids” has been a smooth transition – for the most part.

I discovered my daughter’s gift for running – when she is in the mood – and how running/walking before her day really calms down her nervous system.

I have also discovered the angels, the saints, the cheerleaders, the mean girls and the “jokesters”.

When I would see my daughter being treated poorly, I would use all of my tools plus the power of breath and prayer to connect with each child to understand his or her choice of behavior.

And when I shared these interactions with her teacher, I was told I needed to go find a teacher to address the issue instead of me “handling” it on my own.

I was told this would foster better community.

My rule-follower default was a bit fritzed by my momma-bear instincts. But I listened to Teacher and continued to breathe and pray.

In the weeks to follow, I saw how this new system was wise to follow.

When older kids showed signs of bullying and disrespect, she addressed them as people with dignity and with authority in conversation. I saw her build relationships, listen, set boundaries, cultivate courage and bravery.

No punitive principal meetings, threatening, shaming or making a joke and saying “kids will be kids”.

Recently, I observed two fourth graders joking about my daughter going back and fourth about which one was going to be her boyfriend.

“And so it begins” I said to my Mommy Friend and went to check in with my sweet girl as she trotted by on her morning laps.

She was laughing and seemed to be rolling with it. I also did not get my mamma radar triggered with these two spitfires, so I stepped off the track with a deep breathe and a prayer.

A few minutes later, Teacher came up to me and with one of the boys I had just witnessed interacting with my daughter.

A beautiful exchange ensued where this busted teaser saw my daughter not as an object but as someone with a mom, who was celebrating her birthday that day with friends and interests.

As Teacher sent the youngster back to finish his time on the track, she looked back at me and said, “And this is how we will create community. Where everyone understands we are all people with feelings, struggle, interests and a life. Thank you.”

It goes both ways, too. The young man is not an object of my rage, my pain, my fear, my hurt. Because I connected with him, I know he is like all of us stumbling, testing, scared, curious, desiring to belong and to be seen.

He is human.

Does it excuse bad choices? No.

But that is not the point.

When we step into the space of vulnerability, there are so many ways to respond.

The shift in perspective  – seeing how we are all in it together – helps us create community instead of an “us vs. them” culture.

It is a challenge to push back on fear, blame and shame.

And I do not know about you, but some days I am swimming in the deep end of disconnection and everyone is an “other”.

In that space blame, shame and fear have a party in my head making fertile ground for some not so pretty responses.

I do know my shame resilience practice has drastically reduced my reactivity when my tender spots are triggered.

Indeed, it is hard to be human. Desiring to be loved and understood can result in some serious hurt.

Yet, I still truly believe it is worth it to feel the tough stuff so I can feel also feel love, joy, peace – even if I am in a season when the good emotions are fleeting.

A few days later, I was back at my post on the sidelines of the track.

As he ran by, I waved at the young man who I had a chance to get to know the other day. In response, I received a half-cocked smile with a side glance and a casual wave back.

I called him by name and said good morning.

And the community building continues…

Cheering you on from the track field   –

Rebecca

PS – If you are ready to start your own life-long shame resilience practice, please join us at one of our upcoming (re) define Courage workshops.

 

 

 

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Scarcity and the Cracks in the Road

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On our walk to my daughter’s school this morning, we ran into a couple of power-walkers from the neighborhood.

One of the power-walkers stopped and asked us to weigh in on a bet between the of them.

“These newly paved roads – how long do you think it will take until they start showing cracks? One month or two months?”

The roads still had a pretty strong smell of tar emanating from them and they also seemed a bit delicate as the tar was still soft and settling. I shrugged, “I do not know… maybe even sooner?”

The woman did not like my reply and huffed off. The suggestion the perfectly paved roads were not going to last was simply. not. ok.

I hollered after my power-walking neighbor in all of my nerdy therapist glory:

“Hey! There is nothing wrong with a few cracks in the road.”

The woman stopped, turned around and took off her rather large sun hat, setting her stern eyes on me while placing her hands on her hips as she said,

“I once had a contractor tell me if you have a crack and you can fit a dime in it, you are in some deep trouble.”

Turning on her heels, off she went to finish her morning power walk.

Ugh.

I started getting all defensive for the poor cracks in the road. And the pressure the newly paved road had on it to stay…perfect.

And so began a conversation in my head with the power-walking neighbor telling her the cracks are just a reflection of:

  • how hard the road works
  • how much pressure the road tolerates day in and day out
  • how the road has been neglected and not cared for well. The road is just doing what it is made to do and cracks are inevitable.

Conversations in my head and feeling defensive for an inanimate object were good clues a nerve had been touched.

I took a deep breathe and checked the source of my vulnerability.

Walking home, I found myself looking at the cracks in the road that had not been repaved yet. Some were small and others could hold a roll of dimes.

And I could not shake the heaviness I was feeling about the neighborhood walking buddies already betting on when the newly paved road was going to “fail” to be “perfect”.

Wow.

The pressure to be perfect and meet all of the various standards of those who see us when we show up in life is truly intense at times.

We devote a lot of time, effort and resources to covering up or trying to get rid of our own imperfections.

Scarcity fuels critics like my two power walking neighbors.

Scarcity shows up ever where.

Bathing suit season, finals, tax time, finding a job or changing careers, relationships, parenting, creativity – you name it – there are a whole host of triggers these days that make chasing the perfection carrot a daily grind.

Seeing the messy, the cracked as beautiful is hard when your lens on life is in defend/perfect mode.

Cover Up. Protect. Do Not Be Seen. 

The critics are here to stay. As long as there are products to be sold and love to be desired, the critics will be present.

I do my best to push back on the power and influence of critics in the world and in my head.

But one of the most effective, sustaining and rewarding resources to managing the relentless critics has been developing my own life-long shame resilience practice.

Doing this work involved me getting clear on:

  • my personal shame triggers. Shame work is trauma work and trauma work is shame work.
  • how I respond when my shame is triggered.
  • what vulnerability is,  is not and how vulnerability is the pathway to living the life I am called to live.
  • who my go-to support team is in my life. And how sometimes my support team shifts depending on the season and the issue.
  • who I thought I was striving to be and who God is calling me to be
  • how best to care for, rest and feed my body and my soul
  • what values guide my decisions personally and professionally
  • the importance of maintaining good boundaries so I do not overextend, live in regret or resentment
  • how to move away from unhealthy perfection and towards healthy striving.

My shame resilience practice has helped me understand – in action, not just intellectually – the concept of wholehearted living:

“Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It means cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, ‘No matter what gets done and how much is left is undone, I am enough.’ It’s going to bed at night thinking, ‘Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn’t change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging.” – The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown Ph.D. LMSW

Cracks and all, we need to dare to show up and be seen.

If you are ready to develop your own shame resilience practice, please join us at one of our upcoming (re) Define Courage workshops. This work is life-giving soul work that helps you take insight to sustained change so you can (re) define the cracks in your life.

How do you feel about the cracks in your story? Do they allow shame to drive your choices or do they inspire you?

Cheering you on and respecting the cracks in the road –

Rebecca

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Faith Fasting and Disordered Eating

photo
Post interview smiles with Amy Cyr

Last week I had the pleasure of doing an on-camera interview for undergraduate PLNU communications student, Amy Cyr.

Inspired after reading this article, Amy focused her story on faith fasting and explored how fasting in your faith community may be a trigger to develop disordered eating patterns or engage deeper in an already existing eating disorder.

After interviewing leaders from various faiths who practice fasting as a spiritual discipline, Amy shared concern about the lack of awareness around eating disorders and how community or individual faith fasting may be an unintentional trigger to engage in unhealthy/unsafe practices around food and body issues.

I was touched by Amy’s savvy insights and desire to discuss an issue that is complex and important. Since eating disorders are so misunderstood and also the most deadly of all mental illnesses, it has become a passion to educate leaders of faith communities about eating disorders and how faith fasting may become an unintentional pitfall for the communities they are serving, leading and supporting.

In honor of this season of Lent and fasting for other faith communities, I have posted the information from Potentia’s Fasting and Eating Disorder flier below.

Spiritual fasting is an important discipline that can have many benefits. Please keep the following in mind when considering a spiritual fast:
• When fasting from food, daily hydration is essential for sustaining LIFE.
• Fasting can trigger eating disorder symptoms in persons, especially those who have recovered or are in recovery for these issues.
• If at any time the goal of a fast shifts to primarily losing weight, it is no longer a fast but a crash diet. Fasting should not be used as a tool to promote weight loss. It’s ineffective, and it also lowers metabolism.
• Many who struggle with food and body issues will engage in a fast as a mask for their disordered eating. Given the prevalence of eating disorders, disordered eating, dieting, and body shame in our culture, regularly focusing your community on the priorities of the fast is crucial.
• Food restriction tends to intensify food related obsessions and talk, and this can persist for some time even after the fast.  This kind of talk can also be very triggering for someone struggling with food and body issues.  Encouraging a “no negative food or body talk “ pledge during a fast is wonderful to include at the start of a fast.
• Validating and encouraging other non-food options for fasting can help people struggling with eating disorders and disordered eating have the freedom to participate in a fast with their community.
• Many report feeling like a bad or not good enough person of faith if they choose to not participate in a fast “perfectly” ie: fasting from food. Helping individuals in your community to make the best decision for their mind, body, and soul is respectful and empowering.
• Fasting is not recommended for active persons that wish to continue with exercise during the fast.  Our bodies need the fuel (and electrolytes) before and after exercise, and throughout the day!
• Certain groups should never participate in fasting, and these include: children, elderly, pregnant women, persons with a history of disordered eating (or currently struggling) or are undernourished, persons who have problems with blood pressure (or are on medication for blood pressure), kidney disease, diabetes or are prone to hypoglycemia, persons with unique nutritional needs or nutrient deficiencies (just to name a few).
 

What are your thoughts about the intersection of fasting with food and disordered eating?

What do you think about faith communities encouraging fasts from non-food items so everyone can participate in a community fast, regardless of their health?

Have you ever seen someone take a fast too far and turn it into a weight loss strategy?

I look forward to hearing from you on this complex and important topic.

Cheering you on  –

Rebecca

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I choose respect over body shame – will you join me?

I choose respect (over body shame)

 

February is often a month dedicated to bringing awareness to food and body issues, with the last week of the month specifically focused on Eating Disorder Awareness.

I have been a big supporter of this time of year for the last decade. There is such a need for more understanding, awareness and education on eating disorders and related issues. They are deadly, misunderstood and too often unintentionally perpetuated by many who mean to help those struggling with these issues.

Whether you have a history of struggling with disordered eating, negative body image or are really passionate about wellness, sometimes you may have a bad body image day, week, month or more.

In a culture where a good portion of the few thousand messages coming at us a day are focused on our body, health, and image, it is hard to not internalize some of the scarcity, comparison and shame hurled at us.

So, even if you are at a place where you can generally say, “I am ok as I am — mind, body and soul” it seems completely understandable to me that there are seasons, bumps in the road per se, where your relationship with your body is not always full of love.

Many in recovery are ashamed and fearful of having a season where their old ways of thinking and being make a comeback. So the masks of “everything is perfect” go up and the fear of showing vulnerability spikes.

I started seeing some masks pop up in my clients and friends hiding the fear of being seen struggling; not having it all together; not being seen as holy enough…

We can’t force a love relationship with our body. Building or rebuilding trust with your body takes time. Eating disorders, chronic illness, abuse, depression, anxiety, and shame induced by cultural ideals of beauty all can rob you of your ability to trust your body.

So many people have a hard time loving their body, let alone liking it. Sometimes you have to start from a place of respect before you move to love.  

I hear many share their frustration with how body-focused they are and offer a lot of self-judgement because their brain is stuck obsessing about what the scale says, what the mirror reflects, and what is eaten.

Food and body issues are real. Call it what you want — I think it is time to redirect the judgements that pop up about these struggles and try to really understand what is at the root of the pain.

From my perspective, when someone’s sense of comfort, peace and wellness is attacked, it impacts all other areas of their life. These are not trivial, self-indulgent, self-absorbed issues.

In an effort to debunk the stigma around body image struggles and normalize these common struggles, I gathered colleagues, teachers, parents, pastors, students, and business owners for an “I choose respect” photo shoot at Potentia.

We are posting an “I choose respect” feature photo every day this month on the Facebook page and the response has been so encouraging.

And here is a special gift for you inspired by I choose respect over body shame month: our Respect Your Body Creed.

(click to download)
(click to download)

What is your respect your body creed or mantra?

Share in the comments below and, if you feel bold, post a picture here or on our Facebook page letting me how you choose respect over body shame.

Cheering you on —

Rebecca

 

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2013 in Review: Top 10 Potentia Blog Posts

top 10 blue

2013 has been quite a year! We celebrated Potentia’s 5th birthday, launched our signature workshop, (re) Define Courage: Dare to Show up+Be Seen, and added three therapists to our team to meet the clinical demand. I’m grateful to have had you along for the journey – I value your support and encouragement. In today’s year in review, I put together a list of the most-read blog posts of 2013.

This year we started a Q&A Series with Potenita’s  Megan Holt, DrPH, MPH, RD and Kayla Walker, MFT Intern that proved to be most popular – you can look forward to seeing more of these posts in 2014! Here are some of the favorites:

Q&A Series: Paleo Unpacked 

“Many of the Paleo principles are far from evidence-based. The cavemen, for example, didn’t suffer from the diseases that we suffer from in the western society like stroke, heart disease, or cancers, but their lifespans were very short. They didn’t tend to live long enough to experience these chronic diseases…so we’re unable to draw strong conclusions or make a fair comparison. Also, the emphasis on animal products like meat, beef, is problematic.”

Read the full blog post https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/qa-series-paleo-unpacked/

Q&A Series: Cleanses

“Actually, there’s no evidence that a cleanse or fast would [cleanse the body of toxins]… There seems to be nothing about a cleanse that is as beneficial as adopting a good quality of diet consisting primarily of plants and whole foods. But there isn’t much research out there; there haven’t been many high quality studies on cleanses because higher preliminary studies show no benefit. Cleanses are typically promoted by testimonials given by celebrities or people who have no training/educational background (major red flag).”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/qa-series-cleanses/

Q&A Series: Gluten-Free Diet Unpacked

“Most of the people I see are just starting to pay attention to quality of diet or trying to improve their quality of diet and may feel like one the markers of improving their diet would be excluding gluten. When I see people who want to follow a gluten-free diet, what I typically ask them to do is see their physician to check if they can get a test to confirm non-celiac gluten sensitivity or celiac disease if that’s what they suspect.  If there’s no confirmation, we work for a few weeks to clean up the overall quality of diet and I ask them to pay attention to the appreciable benefits they experience from simply improving the quality of diet.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/qa-series-gluten-free-diet-unpacked/

Another popular series in 2013 was our Fat Talk Free Week series:

Fat Talk Free Week 2013: Interview with Natalie Lynn Borton

“For me, fashion has provided so much freedom for me in terms of embracing and loving the body that I have. Style has become my personal creative expression, and a way for me to be more authentically myself, rather than try to fit a mold. It’s counterintuitive, I suppose, but that’s just how it’s played out in my life. I don’t worship high end brands and expensive products, but rather let style be something that is playful, fun, authentic and enjoyable.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/fat-talk-free-week-interview-with-natalie-lynn-borton/

Fat Talk Free Week 2013: Interview with Rebecca Bass-Ching, LMFT

 “’Fitspiration’ is a wolf in sheep’s clothing and triggers fat talk big time. It can be like cocaine to the brain and can deplete your self-worth when you come down from the high. These images are most often photoshopped and they only fuel comparing, dissatisfaction, and feeling not enough. Yuck.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/fat-talk-free-week-2013-interview-with-rebecca-bass-ching-lmft/

No surprise, posts on the body – how we move it, talk to it and care for it, rounded out the most popular posts of the year:

Getting More Comfortable in Your Skin: Action Steps to Take Now

 “Respect your body, even if you do not like it. You have people in your life that you don’t like but you still treat with respect. Give your body the same respect even if you are not a fan of it at the moment. Everyone has a bad body image day (week, month…); it is normal.  Your body can serve you better when you treat it with respect instead of constantly trash talking it.”

Read full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/actions-steps-to-getting-more-comfortable-in-your-skin/

Do You Need a Prescription for Play?

 “Play has not always come easy for me. For so long, play felt to me like a luxury or a sign of slacking. Play often seemed uncool and not put together. Perfectionism beat the heck out of my desire for spontaneous or planned play. Making space to play is often still vulnerable because I have to walk away from my to-do lists and internal shoulds that can get loud when I am working too much.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/play-is-not-a-luxury/

I Have a Confession to Make to You

“I now know I am enough even on days I do not feel enough.  I can hold that space while I feel yucky and not attack my core worth. Some days it is a bit of a knock down, drag out fight – but shame resilience has helped me run the marathon of living life reflective of my values and my true worth.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/i-have-a-confession-to-make-to-you/

Holding the Numbers Lightly

 “While I believe our emotional, relational, and spiritual health are deeply enmeshed with our physical health, I want to address these numbers — particularly the number on your scale — and how you use them as you seek to make changes in your physical well-being. When it becomes clear to me that these numbers are toxic to my clients and are preventing any real change from happening, I often ask them to take a big risk and leap of faith. I ask them to get rid of their scale.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/holding-the-numbers-lightly/

Potentia’s 5 Year Celebration Giveaway also drew a lot of attention – which was especially fun for me, since Potentia and I have the same birthday!  Stay tuned for more Potentia giveaways in 2014 that are both fun and meaningful – including another birthday celebration in July!

Five Year Celebration and a Giveaway

“Words cannot do justice to the courage, the sacrifice, the character, the growth, and the miracles we get to witness at Potentia. Thank you to my friends, family, colleagues, mentors, contractors, and all those who have helped shaped Potentia from dream to thriving practice. You all simply amaze me. (You rock!) I am also grateful for this calling God has put on my heart which daily strengthens my faith.”

Read full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/five-year-celebration-and-a-giveaway/

What were your favorite Potentia blog posts of 2013? What would you like to see more of in 2014? What kinds of questions should be address? Who would you like to hear from?

Stat tuned for my new Skype Interview series with writers, leaders, artists and others who are daring to show up + be seen in their work, family, art, faith and community.

Thanks for following with us on our journey.

Cheering you on –

Rebecca

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What is your word for 2014?

Take what you need
Kelly Rae Roberts “Take What You Need” sign hanging in the Potentia lobby.

There’s this movement that started a few years ago (at least, that is when I caught on) about choosing a word for the year.

I have really enjoyed this ritual as it has been a very grounding practice to think about how I want to structure my life and prioritize in the year ahead.

Over the past few years, I have leaned into the following words:

  • Trust (2011)
  • Space (2012)
  • Clarity (2013)

After spending the last year focusing on clarity, I am clearer than ever that clarity does not equate to certainty – which is a nutty concept for someone who chased the false illusion of control for a good chunk of my life.

I am also more clear about my core values and how yucky it feels to be doing life out of synch with what I value most.

Focusing on clarity helped me get honest about how I want to:

  • use my voice, time and resources
  • respect my physical and emotional health
  • make decisions personally and professionally
  • connect with God’s Truth in a meaningful and authentic practice

Things are a bit more simple thanks to clarity – even amid the beautiful chaos of family and work life.

Word for 2014

I was in the kitchen cleaning up some dishes the other day wondering what my word will be for 2104. At first I thought I had no clue, but that thought was quickly replaced by the word “REST,” blinking in virtual neon lights in my mind (brightly and with great clarity – hah!).

Yes. The word rest deeply resonates with my mind, body and soul.

It is time to dig deeper on this concept and turn it into a practice like I have never known.

I love to work, I love to be active and always want to be doing something.

But without true rest, life is unsustainable.

Rest involves an element of trust, too (my word for 2012).

Do I trust God, myself and others so I can be still? Or will I let fear, worry, and discomfort override my longing for a deeper sense of what it means to rest?

As I reflect further on the word rest, I realize that play and creativity are going to be integral in my going deeper into the practice of rest.

It is during times of play and creativity my mind quiets and is prepped for true rest. It is in the zone of play and creativity I find a peace that is different that just a good nights sleep or watching a movie.

I look forward to digging deeper on the concept of rest here on the Potentia blog and sharing with you what I am learning as I research and experiment with the concept rest while listing to God’s voice on where I need to refine further how I do life.

It is going to be an adventure as I have some big things planned for 2014 both personally (celebrating my 10 year wedding anniversary and planning our first extended family vacation!) and professionally:

  • continuing to take (re) Define Courage to schools, churches and businesses
  • kicking off I Choose Respect month in February in honor of Eating Disorder Awareness Month
  • adding three more therapists to the clinical team at Potentia
  • launching our first e-course, (re) Define Boundaries, which will address the core issues that get in the way of setting and then maintaining healthy boundaries
  • and some really cool collaborations to be announced later in the year.

Whew! Life will be full and I am excited to see how I (re) define rest amid all of the dreaming, playing and creating on the calendar.

So tell me, how do you define and do rest? What is your word for 2014?

Happy New Year!

Cheering you on –

Rebecca

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Year in Review: Favorite links of 2013

Sure, social media has its dark side, but I appreciate the speed with which we can share the positive, too. From videos to talks, blog posts to news articles, 2013 brought some incredible nuggets of wisdom, creativity and inspiration shared via social media.

I am so grateful to those who shared their story, their art and their heart with the world.

Here are some of my favorites of the links I shared in 2013 (in no particular order):

1. TEDx Kids @Ambleside‘s Confessions of a Depressed Comic by Kevin Breel

This clip moved me deeply. The courage, honesty and spot-on description of his depression no doubt comforted, validated and encouraged thousands.

2. Welcome to Dinovember: A month long imagination invasion by Refe Tuma

‘Why do we do this? Because in an age of iPads and Netflix, we do not want our kids to lose their sense of wonder and imagination. In a time when the answers to all the world’s questions are a web-search away, we want our kids to experience a little mystery. All it takes is some time and energy, creativity and a few plastic dinosaurs.”

The creativity and intentional effort by these parents to take their kids on a month long imagination adventure is genius – and also hilarious. Creativity is not in a box. And the connection that ensured as a result of this brilliant idea has inspired my husband and me to take our own kids on such an adventure sometime in the near future.

3.The Truth About Weight Stigma by Wendy Oliver-Pyatt, MD, FAED, CEDS via National Eating Disorder Association.

Sadly, so many in the health, wellness, education and faith communities are unintentionally creating more food and body issues via shame, fear, blame, poor data and promotion of dieting  (which has been proven to not lead to sustained weight management or true health). It is time to be honest about our own personal weight biases and take a critical look at how we are treating those struggling with disordered eating, eating disorders and related food and body issues so we can be a part of the solution, not the problem.

 

4. Brave by Sara Bareilles

2013 saw the  launch of Potentia’s cornerstone workshop (re) Define Courage: Dare to Show up + Be Seen. I led six cohorts of brave souls in this work based on The Daring Way™ and the research of Brené Brown, PhD.  I adopted Brave as the theme song for the workshop as it encapsulates so much of this work in a few short minutes.

Note: A couple (re) Define Courage cohorts are launching next month and there still are a few spaces in each group – register here!

5. Comfort Food. No one brings you dinner when your daughter is an addict by Larry M. Lake.

This post shook me to my core. I think it raises such an important concern on how we deal with the messiness of mental illness. We need to show up, risk vulnerability and connect with the families who are in the marathon battle to fight mental illness. It can be such a lonely, disappointing and relentless journey that is anything but comfortable. We may not have the right words but we can hug, bake a lasagna, run and errand, write a note, share space in silence, say a prayer over the phone or fill up a tank of gas. Never underestimate the positive impact of our kindness, your empathy, and your faithfulness.

6. Pro Infirmis‘ “Because who is perfect?”

Having lived in Zürich , Switzerland for four years, I was especially proud of this video. The inspiration for this project and to display it on one of the wealthiest streets in the world is moving, bold and and totally courageous.

7. RSA Shorts – The Power of Empathy

I fell in love with this visual demonstration of empathy in action, narrated by Brené Brown. Put this video clip on repeat and really learn the importance nuances of empathy.


8.  An Open Letter to Anyone Who Eats by Winnie Abramson

“I think there are many people out there are just like me. They’ll do well to drop the diets, and all of the labeling of foods as “good” and “bad” and simply work on eating for nourishment (and joy!) instead.”

The obsession with eating healthy is not healthy. When lifestyle changes become false idols, it is a warning sign something is out of sync in your life. all-consuming thoughts and rigid beliefs about food and wellness can lead to serious emotional and physical issues.

9. A Pep Talk from Kid President

Try not to smile after watching this. Seriously. Try.

10. The Innovation of Loneliness, based on Sherry Turkle’s TED talk, Connected, But Alone

When I first saw this video demonstration depicting the loneliness crisis many are experiencing in the age of über connection, it took my breath away. Powerful.

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What did you think of my list? What are your favorite social shares of 2013? 

Happy New Year! I look forward to cheering you on in 2014.

Rebecca

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