Mindful Self-Care Practices

There is a lot of talk about mindfulness these days. For good reason. Getting curious about what you are feeling and where you are feeling it in your body – and working on doing this without judgement or criticism taking over – has helped many people sustain and deepen their healing.

Sometimes it takes a whole lot of energy just to notice what you are feeling and where you are feeling it in your body. Our society as a whole is pretty darn good at numbing and doing everything we can to not notice what is going on beyond the loud noise between our ears.

As a result, there is often pushback on these practices as inefficient or a waste of time. If it were easy, there would not be the protective blocks around doing this practice. Looking inside with curiosity and compassion may feel like it has the potential to open up a pandoras box of what you have worked so hard to keep at bay.

Yet, when your brain and your body begin to trust that feeling difficult emotions will not overwhelm you, it can be a game changer in how you show up in life – especially while working on trauma, anxiety, depression, obsessive and compulsive thoughts and behaviors, grief and more.

Stephanie Godwin, LMFT at Potentia, compiled the following handout below so you can practice noticing what is going on with your feelings and your body. Download the handout below and post it in places that can serve as a reminder to prompt these practices. Doing a “you-turn” and getting to know your internal system is a powerful resource in your own mental, physical, and spiritual practices.

Which of these practices is the most helpful for you? 

Which of these practices is the most difficult for you?

Keep us posted on how we can support you showing up with more calm, confidence and clarity in your life. It is possible and help is available.

With gratitude –

Rebecca Ching, LMFT


What is perfectionism costing you?

“We have more access to information, more books, and more good science – why are we struggling like never before? Because we do not talk about the things that get in the way of doing what we know is best for us, our children, our families, our organizations, and our communities.”  

— Excerpt from “The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are” by Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW

Like many of you, when I read Brené’s The Gifts of Imperfection, I was captivated by her research and her languaging of what I have struggled with much of my life.

I remember reading through this book underlining paragraphs and writing personal thoughts in the margins all the while talking about with everyone I knew.

Parts of me led life through the lens of perfection believing this was the best way to live and do life. As destructive as all or nothing thinking is – it also provides a container of control and purpose to protect – giving the illusion this approach to life is sustainable. Until it isn’t.

I now know perfection is a fierce protector. Hustle. Numb out. Focus on the results. Or do not try at all. Perfection thinks it is the ultimate safety armor. And yet it also ends up wreaking havoc on faith, health, confidence, courage and creativity because the anxiety of perfection fuels both overfunctioning  and underfunctioning.

Perfectionism is often behind:

  • Missed social events + work
  • Loss of sleep
  • Physical symptoms (GI distress, panic attacks, appetite confusion)
  • Racing thoughts
  • Exhaustion
  • People pleasing and worries of letting people down
  • Dread of being misunderstood
  • Procrastination and missed deadlines
  • Constant feelings of failure and unworthiness
  • Panic and perseveration
  • Overwhelm + Obsession
  • Competition and comparison
  • Fears of being found out as a fraud

There is great cost to living a life led by perfectionism.

It is related to loss of revenue and professional opportunities scarcity mindset, relationship difficulties, physical and emotional health problems all the while crushing confidence, faith, calm, and clarity.

A life led by perfectionism costs us our sense of what it truly means to feel worthy – regardless of what we do or what others think. And it sure fights to keep status quo as it fears moving away from this lens will cause more pain and struggle. 

Reading Gifts of Imperfection shifted so much for so many. And years later, we are having brave and honest conversations about perfectionism. It has been powerful for me and many I know to have “Me, too.” conversations around this topic.

At the same time, all of the insight and awareness around perfectionism has created perfectionism around not being a perfectionist.

In essence, perfectionism can hijack the process of trying to move away from the perfectionism. It is an interesting beast, for sure.

Behind perfection is shame, anxiety and fear. There is nothing pretty about these emotions and the impact they have on our lives and the world around us. But the pain needs to be unburdened – not stuffed, minimized or camouflaged or they will keep hijacked what you desire most: connection, confidence and safe community. Which is why I am offering a workshop focused on the fierce protector so we can get curious about its intent and discover ways to shift away from a perfectionistic mindset without triggering feelings of overwhelm. 

If you say to yourself one or more of the following:

  • Why am I still struggling with____? You should have had things figured out by now…
  • No one can ever see me struggle.
  • Why try? It will not be good enough no matter what.
  • Everyone else has it all together but me…
  • I am obsessed with eating healthy – food is good or bad and my body is the enemy.
  • I can’t stop counting calories. If I do, I will lose control and not be desired.
  • You are the one who has to keep it all together. You can’t struggle.

…. then perfectionism is still trying to protect you the best way it knows how. 

And at the heart of these emotions lies trauma, betrayal, attachment injuries, rejection, loneliness, confusion.

If you try and fix perfectionism without digging deeper and doing the work to heal the root of the pain, you will only get temporary relief. And this work is not easy. But it can be so fruitful. It never ceases to amaze me what we learn about ourselves because we have the help of trusted support.

We can’t think ourselves through the pain – we have to feel our way through it. Perfection says fix it now and be done. Wisdom says this is a lifelong process.

My excitement about doing the work to (re) define perfection is in part selfish as I am doing this work continually myself. Safe community is a powerful space to continue to rumble with perfection and (re) define its role in your life.

If the pain of perfectionism resonates with you, I encourage you to consider joining us in San Diego on May 18-20 for (re) Define Perfection: Choosing Flexibility Over Rigidity – which is part of our summer mental health series for adults.  You’ll learn how to implement daily life practices to help build the resilience and courage needed to show up in life with both boundaries and an open heart. Learn More.

What do you rumble with this most? How is perfection costing you? I want to hear about your experiences with perfection and rigidity and how you are tackling this common issue.

With gratitude – Rebecca

How are you going to take action?

No Body Story Shame

Hello and happy first Friday in June!

The Potentia team has transitioned into our summer schedule which is full of vacations, sun, and fun while continuing to serve our community by treating the whole person and the whole spectrum of mental health and wellness issues.

As many of our long-time friends know, one of the areas we offer specialized support is in the treatment of the eating disorder spectrum.

Today I am adding to the voices talking about World Eating Disorder Action Day – which was yesterday but better late than never!

I know when I write or talk about eating disorders, many say this issue is not important to them because it does not impact their life.

I ever so gently want nudge that sentiment to say that this issue – the most deadly of all mental health struggles – is an issue for us all.

In fact, this is a leadership issue and your voice and action is needed.

It is time to take action and create space to have a different conversation about food, health, bodies, worthiness, strength and success.

Many are secretly struggling with self-loathing, anxiety, fear and shame around how you feed, move, dress, rest and talk to your body. This may not present as a clinical eating disorder though the distress is still significant.

We live in a culture where it is acceptable – and often encouraged – to critique how people look, eat, dress, and live. Our bodies, which are both personal and private, are often not respected in search of  control, status, belonging and relief.

Shaming self and others destroys souls and never leads to sustained change or healing.

And this is where you come in on this call to action.

Even if eating disorders do seem like they not impact you, taking some subtle yet powerful actions to help create more safe spaces to talk about what it means to be well, what it is like to struggle with depression, anxiety, obsessive thoughts, recovering from trauma, neglect, loneliness and hopelessness can make a profound difference.

Genetics, family of origin and difficult like experiences play a role in how we all navigate what it means to be well. The media we consume, our social, professional and faith communities all have a powerful influence on our lives, too.

Would you consider taking action on any of the following areas? These may seem like small gestures or actions. Do not underestimate the power of making a small change.

  • Discourage negative body talk or shaming at your home, school, place of worship and.or work.
  • Affirm people based on their character not their looks or physical accomplishments.
  • Edit your consumption of media (tv, social media, magazines, etc) or even consider taking a media fast for a week.
  • Learn about orthorexia and how the obsession to eat healthy is really masking serious disordered eating, anxiety and other serious struggles.
  • Read this series I wrote for Darling Magazine on the myths and meanings of eating disorders.
  • Make a commitment to learn more about what it means to feed well, move well, rest well and talk with your body well. Dr. Megan Holt is an excellence resource for in-person or online health + wellness consultations.
  • Stop dieting and extreme ways of feeding and pursue a practice of intuitive and mindful eating.
  • If there is someone in your circle of influence you think may be struggling on the disordered eating spectrum, dare to have a courageous conversation with him/her – stating your love, your concern and your suggested resources. 
  • Commit to making the dinner table and home a place where food is discussed neutrally and is a means for fuel and medicine and enjoyment – not to be a source of obsession or fear.


What would you add to this list? 

How do you plan to take action in your circle of influence? 


With gratitude –

Rebecca Bass-Ching

PS – Make sure to check out our Summer Mental Health Camp offerings throughout the summer!



5 Relationship Insights to Inspire You to Add This Resource To Your Library – Stat!

You're the one pic

In honor of Valentine’s Day, Potentia’s featured book this month is all about relationships: You Are The One You Have Been Waiting For: Bringing Courageous Love to Intimate Relationships by Richard Schwartz 

While this book is geared towards married couples, this lens can be beneficial for all relationships. Truly. As a child of divorce, what makes relationships work and not work has fascinated me and terrified me all at the same time.

And if I have learned anything in my years as a therapist is that there is not just one way to heal. If there was, we would all be doing it. At Potentia, some of our our main lenses on healing and change involve EMDR Therapy, systemic approaches such a Bowen and Structural Family Systems Theories in additional to, Shame Resilience Theory, Interpersonal Neurobiology, and various action methods like Psychodrama.

Over the last year, we began really digging into an evidenced-based therapeutic approach which has been around for over 30 years called Internal Family Systems.

This approach is non-pathologizing, client-led and effective. The language and lens of IFS moves us away from a place of blame, shame and overwhelm to integration and clarity in our actions.

I have seen Richard Schwartz speak at conferences over the years which always led to fruitful insights on how I approached my clients struggling with immense shame about their story and how their were managing their shame and pain.

Instead of trying to ‘get rid’ of the parts that were causing clients distress, I started to help clients get curious about these parts and see that they were there for a reason – to protect. Though the protection often led to hurting self and/or others at times.

This was pretty radical for clients because they had such deep loathing for parts of their stories and inner lives. By identifying this inner conflict with their various parts and developing compassion for them, the charge and reactivity around their choices decreased their internal spinning so there was space for other ways of responding to self and others.

Below is a description of the internal parts Richard Schwartz refers to in this approach from his website selfleadership.org:

“Most clients had parts that tried to keep them functional and safe. These parts tried to maintain control of their inner and outer environments by, for example, keeping them from getting too close or dependent on others, criticizing their appearance or performance to make them look or act better, and focusing on taking care of others’ rather than their own needs. These parts seemed to be in protective, managerial roles and therefore are called managers.

When a person has been hurt, humiliated, frightened, or shamed in the past, he or she will have parts that carry the emotions, memories, and sensations from those experiences. Managers often want to keep these feelings out of consciousness and, consequently, try to keep vulnerable, needy parts locked in inner closets. These incarcerated parts are known as exiles.

The third and final group of parts jumps into action whenever one of the exiles is upset to the point that it may flood the person with its extreme feelings or make the person vulnerable to being hurt again. When that is the case, this third group tries to douse the inner flames of feeling as quickly as possible, which earns them the name firefighters. They tend to be highly impulsive and strive to find stimulation that will override or dissociate from the exile’s feelings. Bingeing on drugs, alcohol, food, sex, or work are common firefighter activities. 

In You are the One You Have Been Waiting For, Richard Schwartz offers a provocative approach to our relationships.

The following are five nuggets that will hopefully encourage you to add this resource on relationships to your library:

1. “You will no longer expect your partner to make you feel complete, worthwhile, elated or safe  in other words, to be he primary caretaker of your parts. While your partner may elicit all of those feelings in you at different times, you know that you can help your parts feel that way, too, so their welfare does not depend on your them.” p. 209

IFS supports your agency in how to care for yourself and reduces feelings of helplessness when a partner cannot show up for you emotionally in ways you need.

2. “Attachment re-injuries are events in which you experience your partner as having betrayed, abandoned, or humiliated you, reaffirming the original message to your exiles that they are unloveable.” p. 85

IFS reframes those people who trigger our protective parts as ‘TOR-mentors’ – often beloved ones who help us learn and grow.

3. “Our culture, and many of the relationship experts in it, have issued us faulty maps and improper tools. We’ve been told that the love we need is a buried treasure hidden in the heart of a special intimate partner. Once we find that partner, the love we crave should flow elixer-like, filling our empty spaces and healing our pain. When that love stops flowing, even momentarily, we get scared…” p.6

Learning to respect your story and be responsible for healing the pain in it – instead of putting someone else on point for that role – is a powerful and challenging mindset switch to move from getting relief only from others and instead learn how to stay calm and connected when confronted with triggers.

4. “When each partner has courageous love for the other, many of the chronic struggles most couples face melt away because each partner is released from being primarily responsible for making the other feel good.” p. 4

This lens decreases feelings of helplessness because we cannot change anyone but ourselves. IFS helps gives couples a framework to feel relief and empowerment without relying only on the other person to make them feel better.

5. “Everyone is born with vulnerable parts. Most of us, however, learn early, – through interactions with caretakers of through traumatic experiences – that being vulnerable is not safe. As a consequence, we lock those childlike parts away inside and make them the inner exiles of our personalities.” p. 55

IFS integrates trauma and attachment theories in a way that offers sustained healing for both the individuals and the couple. It is nuanced and complex but well worth the journey.

Make sure to check out the questions at the end of each chapter. These questions will inspire powerful reflections for both the individual and the couple.

With love and gratitude –


NOTE: When a relationship is violent and uses physical, sexual, emotional, or spiritual means to manipulate and coerce, safety is the number one concern. The cycle of violence in intimate relationships does not always involve bruises and it can be extremely confusing.  Help is available and you are not alone. 



Space, Agency and Calendars in 2016


Hello and Happy New Year!

If your email inbox and Facebook feed are anything like mine, it is full of opportunities to buy books, programs, courses and services so you can heal/fix/change what is causing you pain.

It can bit tricky discerning who or what to bring into your circle of support. Breaking through the noise of good marketing can be an exercise in mental gymnastics and restraint – especially when you desire relief asap.

Now, I am a big believer in investing in the right support to achieve my goals both personally and professionally.

Shoot, I have a stack of non-fiction books – fueled by Amazon Prime – about the brain, faith, the soul and human behavior by my bed that are at various places of being read or re-read. I am currently in the middle of consultation to become an AAMFT Approved Supervisor and also an EMDRIA Approved Consultant which has me working with some sharp and big-hearted mentors. And Potentia is inspired by the desire to be a place of refuge that offers specialized and collaborative support in a beautiful space as people rumble with their struggles and goals for a better quality of life.

Yes, desired change is most likely to happen not in a vacuum but when you have the right support surrounding you.

The New Year offers a natural time to reflect, reboot, start, stop – you get the idea.

Sometimes a new beginning can happen mid-year, too.

I had a second quarter course correction last March when I got really sick. So sick I had to cancel work and family trips and almost ended up in the hospital kind of sick.

This wake up call taught me I need to improve how I manage my allergies and recent diagnosis of asthma…. and get more rest. It was a big ah-ha moment reminding me of something I talk a lot about with my clients.

I was so used to the way my lungs were functioning that it was my normal. Like many of my clients, I have a high tolerance for pain as the normal and I was not taking time to notice, reflect and get curious about my discomfort because it was my homeostasis.

When my doctor looked at me and told me about the results of various tests and how surprised she was at all I had been doing with my current lung function, I laughed out loud. She was less amused… and the irony of it all was not apparent to her.

Yes, we all have our blind spots – even when it comes to our personal and professional loves, whatever they may be for you.

But as someone who has “shiny sparkly syndrome”, it is easy for me to get distracted by fun ideas, passions, interests and exciting opportunities.

So, I decided to a hard look at my calendar and made some big changes.

I love calendars. I have a few hard copy versions and I also have everything on my i-calendar. (This one, this one and this one are my favorites of late.)

Because my eyes have always been bigger than my calendar, I had to become better at editing, focusing and being realistic about my time because my old default was if I saw blank space on my schedule, I would fill it. Recalibrating back to my core values and some long conversations with my husband were essential during this second quarter course correction.

I shook my fists as I realized, again, how competition and scarcity sneaked their way back into my life and into my calendar. Oh, how relentless and slippery they are!

Competition and comparison are in our bones – whether you know it or not. It is a dark part of our humanity and you are fooling yourself if you think you can just “stop” competing or comparing without the investment of some serious time in practices to help redirect your default go-to mindsets. In fact, I think it is naive to think they can be eradicated from our lives entirely.

Our brains fire at such a speed that insight takes a bit to catch up before we realize the emotional tailspin we are in. It is more realistic to develop a practice to identify these beasts so you can call them out when they are trying to run your life.

Never forget: Your time and resources are precious commodities. There are billions of dollars invested to have access to your time and resources.

Which makes you pretty darn powerful, whether you believe it or not.

It may not feel like you have agency over your time and resources – especially when they are scarce due to health and life circumstances or just feeling like life is running you.

And the connection between how you manage the stressors in your life and your health, wellness and shame is crucial – or your time and resources slip away in a way that zaps you of living a life that is fulfilling and connected.

As you look at your 2016 with whatever calendar you use – make a commitment to re-evaluate how you want to use your time and resources.

If you are desiring more from your relationships, career, faith, physical health and are not sure where to start – scheduling time to invest in your desired area of growth is not a waste. And focus on one area at a time. In truth, all of the areas you desire change and growth are connected, so start one place and be steadfast.

Scheduling space to honor your priorities to: pray, write, reflect, create, play, dream, heal, grow is crucial.

That time does not need to be burdened with bullet points or to-do lists fueled by reactive “shoulds” outside of your core values. Nor does it have to be explained away or justified. You have been given agency and stewardship over your calendar.

Adjusting your expectations of all you need to do and when you need to do it by may help decrease the stronghold of perfection and scarcity mentality.

Perfectionism and scarcity may call this time indulgent and spike feelings of anxiety when your schedule is not completely booked. But if you schedule this space – just 3-5 hours a week – into your calendar to focus on what matters most to you this year, you may surprise yourself.

I ever-so-gently dare you to try this new approach to your time.

Of course, I have a bias on the importance and impact of mental health on our lives. Making time to rumble with emotional aches, loneliness, loss requires marking time off on your schedule to create space to heal instead of numbing out with the busyness of life.

Literally blocking out time on your calendar for what honors the desires of your soul is an investment. It also exponentially increases the chances you will make the time to do what you scheduled.

If you have been running at full speed for years, it will spike some anxiety in your brain as it takes time for your brain to develop a new homeostasis.

A good place to start using your calendared time of reflection is to do an inventory of where you spend your resources, your thought life and your time – it gives a good picture on what matters to you and who+what is getting the best of you.

And I often find that this data is not always in sync with core values and priorities – which is good data for further reflection.

This space is about looking at the hard things straight on and getting curious about how they are impacting your life.

As a result, new boundaries, improving tolerance of the discomfort of letting people down and (re) defining relationships may be necessary. All of these will require some space and even some support.

Consider engaging in this process with others in some capacity. It gets you out of your head and dares you to trust those who have earned the right to hear your story.

Remember – you are very powerful. Billions are invested into getting access to your time and your resources  – whether they are life giving or not.

Even if your power has been taken away from you, you can rise.

Instead of resolutions, diet programs or succumbing to the allure of quick fix programs, consider just making this space in your life – and on your calendar – to ask these questions:

  • Where do you desire change in your life?
  • Who+What is asking for your time and resources?
  • Who is even getting the opportunity to have an audience with you?
  • What is driving how you spend your time and resources?
  • What do you want shift in these areas in 2016?

Let me know what additional questions you are adding to your reflection time.

And go get 2016. The world needs you to show up in your circle of influence and make your art. Make the space – your life matters.

With gratitude –

Rebecca Bass-Ching, LMFT


I Choose Respect Over Body and Story Shame 2015


Today we kick off Potentia’s second annual “I Choose Respect” month.

#ichooserespect is an effort to connect with those who may not identify with clinical eating disorders but can relate with struggling in their relationship with food, their body and their story.

I believe we all can relate as I am yet to find someone who does not struggle with a bad body image day, week, month, year…

Where negative body image lurks there may be deeper struggles with:

  • feeding yourself
  • moving your bidy
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • low-self worth
  • identity
  • perfectionism and rigidity
  • disconnection from community
  • feelings of being out-of-control+impulsive thoughts/behaviors
  • trauma

Eating disorders are the most deadly of all mental health illnesses.

Early intervention and prevention is crucial to decreasing the statistics around those struggling – and dying – from eating disorders and related issues.

Addressing the above list of struggles as soon as possible is an important investment in your mental health and in the prevention of more serious clinical issues.

Story Shame

This year I added “story shame” to our awareness campaign as my clients have taught me story shame fuels negative coping tools to deal with the pain and the fear of being judged, misunderstood, rejected- all of which can fuel disordered eating and eating disorders.

Shame about your story leads to putting on masks and moving away from owning and telling your story.

The lies of shame say if people really knew about your struggles, your experiences, your thoughts, your fears – you would be rejected and not worthy of love.

The common protective response is to armor up and numb out – often in ways that hurt your body, your relationships, your soul.

Disowning parts or all of your story keeps you stuck in fear.

Beginning to move to loving your story – and your body – can start with respect.

I often hear or read people reflect to those struggling with their relationship to their body and their story tell their friends, colleagues and their loved ones:

  • Just love your body.
  • Embrace your story.
  • You are so beautiful – just as God made you.
  • You are so strong – you can handle anything.

Sometimes these intended words of encouragement unintentionally diminish real struggle and trigger shame.

As a result, many increase their efforts to hide their struggles for fear they are seen as “drama” or “not good/Christian/strong enough” for struggling with their relationship with their body and their story.

Healing disconnection with body and story are not quick fixes. They are often rooted in deep attachment issues, traumatic experiences, individual temperament and genetics.

#ichooserespect is about respecting your body and your story when you do not like or even love them.

Respect Paves the Way

I believe respect creates a pathway to sustained loving and acceptance of your body and your whole story – when the time is right. It can not be forced.

Just like any relationship, when their are breeches of trust, it takes time to heal.

And there are too many people who do not trust their body and are in fact at war with their body.

It is time we give this kind of pain respect. Respecting your pain is a place to start a conversation, to ask for help, to offer connection when someone takes a risk to share their pain.

This year, we are featuring more like-minded leaders from all seasons of life in our #ichooserespect photo shoot. These photos will be featured daily for the entire month of February.

The conversations that started and continued from taking these pictures warmed my heart and inspired me.

My hope and prayer is that #ichooserespect inspires continued meaningful conversations and questions about how you talk about your body and your story with your friends, your family, your colleagues.

Most importantly, I hope #ichooserespect helps you (re) define your own internal conversations and decreases the noise between your ears.

Join the Conversation

Please join the conversation on Potentia’s Facebook Page, Potentia’s Instgram Feed or my Twitter feed. Help us spread the news about the I Choose Respect Awareness effort by using and tracking the hastags: #ichooserespect #respectyourbody #respectyourstory.


National Eating Disorder Awareness Week

The last week of February is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week hosted by the National Eating Disorder Association.

All over the country, local communities are hosting walks to raise money and awareness for NEDA.

For the San Diego NEDAW walk, Potentia is hosting a team and will also have a booth at this wonderful event.

The Potentia team is hoping to raise $1000 from registrations for the walk. Invite your friends, colleagues, family, kids to register and join the Potentia team. Even pets can get in on the walk and fundraiser – scheduled for Saturday, February 28th.

Note: All money raised goes directly to NEDA, not Potentia

Event Details

Walk Venue:  NTC at Liberty Station
Walk Location: 2455 Cushing Road, San Diego, CA 92106
Walk Date: Saturday, February 28th, 2015
Check In Time:  9:00AM
Opening Ceremony: 10:00AM     Walk End Time: 11:30AM

How will you choose respect?

I am curious, how do you want to choose respect over body and story shame?

I look forward to connecting here on the blog and on the other social media outlets this month.

I am beyond grateful to all those who took time out of their schedule to participate, too. I can’t wait to share their pictures with you!

Cheering you on –


(re) Define: Resolutions

Happy New Year from Potentia 2015

This time of year is famous (or infamous) for resolutions.

Usually these resolutions involve language like:

  • more
  • less
  • start
  • stop
  • lose
  • change
  • balance
  • enough
  • no
  • yes

Goals are good. Intentions are important. Hope is crucial when we want to grow, heal and do life differently.

But sometimes we make some well-meaning errors in setting our goals, intentions, resolutions. They often are:

  • too rigid
  • unrealistic
  • not specific
  • too complicated
  • developed based what you think you need but not what you really need
  • leaning only on willpower instead of a collaborative community of support
  • not safe
  • not fun or enjoyable
  • developed out of impatience, fear or shame
  • not connected to your core values

Making desired changes in your life that are sustained need to be safe, practiced regularly and fueled by meaning and motivation.  (Click to Tweet)

Your goals, resolutions and intentions need to be inspired by your core values – not on an ideal identity you desire to hide behind as protection.

Yes, dream big.

Then scaffold your dreams into small actionable practices that will fuel more change, growth, fruits of your labors and healing.

It starts with showing up and asking for support from people you can trust.

Pacing desired change is also important when seeking sustained change.

The pain of loneliness, discomfort in your body, fear of rejection or failure can influence the resolutions you choose.

Turn away from numbing, hurting self or others and begin to build the emotional muscle to tolerate vulnerability.

Sometimes people numb out with the wrong resolutions thinking they will get sustained relief from pain if ______ happens.

What you desire to change is a very personal decision.

Desiring sustained change – not numbing out – involves leaning into vulnerability: risk, uncertainty and emotional exposure – as defined by Brené Brown.

And to be clear – there is nothing comfortable about being in the space of vulnerability.

At Potentia, we offer (re) Define Courage workshops to help people build a life long shame resilience practice so shame and non-protective fear do not run the choices you make in your life.

Our team also offers specialized support for those who desire change in their relationships with food, their body, their story and their relationships with God, self and others.

(In addition to offering individual, couples and family therapy, our team is launching several workshops this month. Make sure to save your spot soon!)

When distressing life events occur, your brain is made to move towards healing.

And when your brain gets stuck in working through the tough stuff of life, it is easy to get confused on how to deal with pain, fear, desire, hope and meaningful connection.

The psychotherapists at Potentia incorporate EMDR therapy into our work with clients so the process of getting unstuck has an evidenced-based road map customized to each client.

As you kick off 2015 with your goals, resolutions and intentions, make sure they are connected to your core values and can be regularly practiced.

If you have health or wellness related goals, contact Dr. Megan Holt for an in-person or Skype non-diet wellness assessment so you can cut through the marketing noise of the diet industry and develop goals that are best suited for your unique body and lifestyle.

And be careful to not compare your goals for change to the goals and resolutions of others.

Comparison is a general buzz kill to change.

You are the expert on you. Never forget that.

As you seek collaborative support and sustained change, the Potentia Team is here as a support and resource for you. It would be an honor to help you make 2015 a year of living in clarity and purpose.


What are you resolutions, goals, intentions for 2015?

What support do you need to meet your goals?

Cheering you on in 2015 –

Rebecca Bass-Ching, LMFT


Are you in? Fat Talk Free Week 2014

Your voice is powerful.
I really appreciate the leadership of Delta Delta Delta and their vision for Fat Talk Free Week.

This year’s Fat Talk Free Week kicks off tomorrow and runs through Friday, October 20th.

I value taking a week – with the hope it will extend longer – to intentionally redirect fat talk in our heads, with our friends or about others to more honest, life-giving, respectful dialogue.

We all need a break from the “I am so___”, “If only I were___”, “I hate my _____”, “I am not ______ enough” conversation.

Scarcity culture is exhausting. (Click to Tweet)

Bullying others or ourselves with fat talk only fuels deeper pain and fat talk represents attempts to manage the parts of our story triggered by pain, fear, loneliness, anxiety and more.

Which is why taking a break from the fat talk is important. Even more important is to get to the heart of the meaning of our fat talk by talking about our hurts in a constructive manner – with the right person at the right time.

Taking a break from fat talk does not mean stuffing your pain.

Early in my training in the treatment of eating disorders and trauma, I was told “fat” is not a feeling. Over a decade of treating men and women taught me differently – that it is often a fight to have a positive relationship with their body and their reflection in the mirror. They also taught me how the quick fix pressure to “just love their body” often backfired because they felt so ashamed for not loving, let alone liking, the body they have been given.

So, yes, stopping the fat talk is needed. Desperately. But we cannot stop there.

We still need to talk about how we are feeling and develop a better way to tolerate struggle and negative emotion. Distressing life events, brain chemistry imbalances, family of origin, temperament all can alter our trust in ourselves, our bodies and others.

When we are feeling out of control – focusing on our bodies or comparing ourselves to others is a common default. Turning on ourselves or others with biting, judgy, harsh words only fuels more biting, judgey, harsh words.

At the heart of fat talk is a lot of hurt and insecurity which needs to be voiced and given some air time. Our struggle feeling comfortable in our skin along with our desire to feel connected is real. Fat talk is an attempt way to hot wire connection or appease our inner critic.

What we really are searching for is to know if we are ok, we are loved, we belong. When there is doubt about our worthiness, we often look to others to approve or disapprove of our worth. We all struggle with this dance. Belonging and connection are innate desires.

And for those with faith, I see this matter of worthiness dig even deeper as they feel like they are the exceptions to God’s wild and radical love and grace.

It is a constant recalibration to stop externalizing our worth to others and redirect our worth to the One and those who truly matter.

Fat Talk Free Week is not just about semantics or becoming the word police. It is a chance to listen to your heart and see where you are feeling convicted for operating outside of your authenticity.

When fat talk surfaces, it is an opportunity – and a risk – to change the conversation.

Words are powerful. Your voice matters. Choose wisely.

Cheering you on –


How a Kindergarten Teacher Builds Community

IMG_2025Every day before my daughter’s school starts, she has 15 minutes to run laps with all of her K-4 classmates.

The idea of moving to the track was very daunting for all of the kindergartners and their parents.

We started off at the Kindergarten-Only playground for the first couple months of school.

It was like a little bubble with our Kindergarten tribe of kids, parents and teachers.

It was contained and known.

And having a daughter on the Autism Spectrum in a general education classroom was daunting enough. The little playground area was an even playing field – no blind spots and lots of supervision.

Moving down to the track with the “older kids” has been a smooth transition – for the most part.

I discovered my daughter’s gift for running – when she is in the mood – and how running/walking before her day really calms down her nervous system.

I have also discovered the angels, the saints, the cheerleaders, the mean girls and the “jokesters”.

When I would see my daughter being treated poorly, I would use all of my tools plus the power of breath and prayer to connect with each child to understand his or her choice of behavior.

And when I shared these interactions with her teacher, I was told I needed to go find a teacher to address the issue instead of me “handling” it on my own.

I was told this would foster better community.

My rule-follower default was a bit fritzed by my momma-bear instincts. But I listened to Teacher and continued to breathe and pray.

In the weeks to follow, I saw how this new system was wise to follow.

When older kids showed signs of bullying and disrespect, she addressed them as people with dignity and with authority in conversation. I saw her build relationships, listen, set boundaries, cultivate courage and bravery.

No punitive principal meetings, threatening, shaming or making a joke and saying “kids will be kids”.

Recently, I observed two fourth graders joking about my daughter going back and fourth about which one was going to be her boyfriend.

“And so it begins” I said to my Mommy Friend and went to check in with my sweet girl as she trotted by on her morning laps.

She was laughing and seemed to be rolling with it. I also did not get my mamma radar triggered with these two spitfires, so I stepped off the track with a deep breathe and a prayer.

A few minutes later, Teacher came up to me and with one of the boys I had just witnessed interacting with my daughter.

A beautiful exchange ensued where this busted teaser saw my daughter not as an object but as someone with a mom, who was celebrating her birthday that day with friends and interests.

As Teacher sent the youngster back to finish his time on the track, she looked back at me and said, “And this is how we will create community. Where everyone understands we are all people with feelings, struggle, interests and a life. Thank you.”

It goes both ways, too. The young man is not an object of my rage, my pain, my fear, my hurt. Because I connected with him, I know he is like all of us stumbling, testing, scared, curious, desiring to belong and to be seen.

He is human.

Does it excuse bad choices? No.

But that is not the point.

When we step into the space of vulnerability, there are so many ways to respond.

The shift in perspective  – seeing how we are all in it together – helps us create community instead of an “us vs. them” culture.

It is a challenge to push back on fear, blame and shame.

And I do not know about you, but some days I am swimming in the deep end of disconnection and everyone is an “other”.

In that space blame, shame and fear have a party in my head making fertile ground for some not so pretty responses.

I do know my shame resilience practice has drastically reduced my reactivity when my tender spots are triggered.

Indeed, it is hard to be human. Desiring to be loved and understood can result in some serious hurt.

Yet, I still truly believe it is worth it to feel the tough stuff so I can feel also feel love, joy, peace – even if I am in a season when the good emotions are fleeting.

A few days later, I was back at my post on the sidelines of the track.

As he ran by, I waved at the young man who I had a chance to get to know the other day. In response, I received a half-cocked smile with a side glance and a casual wave back.

I called him by name and said good morning.

And the community building continues…

Cheering you on from the track field   –


PS – If you are ready to start your own life-long shame resilience practice, please join us at one of our upcoming (re) define Courage workshops.




2013 in Review: Top 10 Potentia Blog Posts

top 10 blue

2013 has been quite a year! We celebrated Potentia’s 5th birthday, launched our signature workshop, (re) Define Courage: Dare to Show up+Be Seen, and added three therapists to our team to meet the clinical demand. I’m grateful to have had you along for the journey – I value your support and encouragement. In today’s year in review, I put together a list of the most-read blog posts of 2013.

This year we started a Q&A Series with Potenita’s  Megan Holt, DrPH, MPH, RD and Kayla Walker, MFT Intern that proved to be most popular – you can look forward to seeing more of these posts in 2014! Here are some of the favorites:

Q&A Series: Paleo Unpacked 

“Many of the Paleo principles are far from evidence-based. The cavemen, for example, didn’t suffer from the diseases that we suffer from in the western society like stroke, heart disease, or cancers, but their lifespans were very short. They didn’t tend to live long enough to experience these chronic diseases…so we’re unable to draw strong conclusions or make a fair comparison. Also, the emphasis on animal products like meat, beef, is problematic.”

Read the full blog post https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/qa-series-paleo-unpacked/

Q&A Series: Cleanses

“Actually, there’s no evidence that a cleanse or fast would [cleanse the body of toxins]… There seems to be nothing about a cleanse that is as beneficial as adopting a good quality of diet consisting primarily of plants and whole foods. But there isn’t much research out there; there haven’t been many high quality studies on cleanses because higher preliminary studies show no benefit. Cleanses are typically promoted by testimonials given by celebrities or people who have no training/educational background (major red flag).”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/qa-series-cleanses/

Q&A Series: Gluten-Free Diet Unpacked

“Most of the people I see are just starting to pay attention to quality of diet or trying to improve their quality of diet and may feel like one the markers of improving their diet would be excluding gluten. When I see people who want to follow a gluten-free diet, what I typically ask them to do is see their physician to check if they can get a test to confirm non-celiac gluten sensitivity or celiac disease if that’s what they suspect.  If there’s no confirmation, we work for a few weeks to clean up the overall quality of diet and I ask them to pay attention to the appreciable benefits they experience from simply improving the quality of diet.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/qa-series-gluten-free-diet-unpacked/

Another popular series in 2013 was our Fat Talk Free Week series:

Fat Talk Free Week 2013: Interview with Natalie Lynn Borton

“For me, fashion has provided so much freedom for me in terms of embracing and loving the body that I have. Style has become my personal creative expression, and a way for me to be more authentically myself, rather than try to fit a mold. It’s counterintuitive, I suppose, but that’s just how it’s played out in my life. I don’t worship high end brands and expensive products, but rather let style be something that is playful, fun, authentic and enjoyable.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/fat-talk-free-week-interview-with-natalie-lynn-borton/

Fat Talk Free Week 2013: Interview with Rebecca Bass-Ching, LMFT

 “’Fitspiration’ is a wolf in sheep’s clothing and triggers fat talk big time. It can be like cocaine to the brain and can deplete your self-worth when you come down from the high. These images are most often photoshopped and they only fuel comparing, dissatisfaction, and feeling not enough. Yuck.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/health-in-the-media/fat-talk-free-week-2013-interview-with-rebecca-bass-ching-lmft/

No surprise, posts on the body – how we move it, talk to it and care for it, rounded out the most popular posts of the year:

Getting More Comfortable in Your Skin: Action Steps to Take Now

 “Respect your body, even if you do not like it. You have people in your life that you don’t like but you still treat with respect. Give your body the same respect even if you are not a fan of it at the moment. Everyone has a bad body image day (week, month…); it is normal.  Your body can serve you better when you treat it with respect instead of constantly trash talking it.”

Read full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/actions-steps-to-getting-more-comfortable-in-your-skin/

Do You Need a Prescription for Play?

 “Play has not always come easy for me. For so long, play felt to me like a luxury or a sign of slacking. Play often seemed uncool and not put together. Perfectionism beat the heck out of my desire for spontaneous or planned play. Making space to play is often still vulnerable because I have to walk away from my to-do lists and internal shoulds that can get loud when I am working too much.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/play-is-not-a-luxury/

I Have a Confession to Make to You

“I now know I am enough even on days I do not feel enough.  I can hold that space while I feel yucky and not attack my core worth. Some days it is a bit of a knock down, drag out fight – but shame resilience has helped me run the marathon of living life reflective of my values and my true worth.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/i-have-a-confession-to-make-to-you/

Holding the Numbers Lightly

 “While I believe our emotional, relational, and spiritual health are deeply enmeshed with our physical health, I want to address these numbers — particularly the number on your scale — and how you use them as you seek to make changes in your physical well-being. When it becomes clear to me that these numbers are toxic to my clients and are preventing any real change from happening, I often ask them to take a big risk and leap of faith. I ask them to get rid of their scale.”

Read the full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/holding-the-numbers-lightly/

Potentia’s 5 Year Celebration Giveaway also drew a lot of attention – which was especially fun for me, since Potentia and I have the same birthday!  Stay tuned for more Potentia giveaways in 2014 that are both fun and meaningful – including another birthday celebration in July!

Five Year Celebration and a Giveaway

“Words cannot do justice to the courage, the sacrifice, the character, the growth, and the miracles we get to witness at Potentia. Thank you to my friends, family, colleagues, mentors, contractors, and all those who have helped shaped Potentia from dream to thriving practice. You all simply amaze me. (You rock!) I am also grateful for this calling God has put on my heart which daily strengthens my faith.”

Read full blog post: https://potentiatherapy.com/redefining-health/five-year-celebration-and-a-giveaway/

What were your favorite Potentia blog posts of 2013? What would you like to see more of in 2014? What kinds of questions should be address? Who would you like to hear from?

Stat tuned for my new Skype Interview series with writers, leaders, artists and others who are daring to show up + be seen in their work, family, art, faith and community.

Thanks for following with us on our journey.

Cheering you on –